 |
| What makes you mad? |
Today I’ve narrowed down my top
five pet peeves, the tropes in books and movies that make gnash my teeth and
wring my hair in fury. I’ve also put down examples and reasons why I feel so
strongly. These are just my personal opinions, and feel free to disagree. But I
hope my little rants helps you think about what really bothers you in stories
and why.
So without further ado, here are
my top five pet peeves, from least to most irritating.
Number 5: Bland Acting
If I were given the choice between
an actor giving an over-the-top, scenery chewing, triple ham and cheese,
utterly ridiculous performance—or an actor standing with a sleepy stare on his
face, I will take the former every time. I can forgive an actor for being
terrible, but I cannot forgive them for being boring.
 |
| A classic character is completely wasted on blandness. |
Brad Pitt epitomizes this for me,
not because he can’t act, but he can’t act in the roles I find interesting. I
got burned by him three times before I refused to watch him in anything besides
Ocean’s 11 type movies, which he
seems to handle fine.
First, I caught Meet Joe Black on T.V., where he got to
play the literal embodiment of death, and all he did was look bored and
depressed. Then I saw Interview with the
Vampire, where Tom Cruise turned him into a vampire. While Tom Cruise was
having fun and single-handedly keeping the movie afloat, Brad Pitt was listlessly
whining about how life as a vampire sucked. Finally, I saw Troy, and though I’d never read The
Iliad, I knew enough about the character of Achilles to know that the man
was both a massive jerk and a hero. I so desperately wanted to see both
characteristics finely balanced out. Needless to say, I was disappointed.
“But I thought he was a good
actor,” my mom protested. “He cried really well in that one scene.”
“So what?” I replied. “He’s an
actor—he’s supposed to know how to cry. But what did he bring to the character?
Achilles is arrogant, egotistical, and acts like a whining baby when he doesn’t
get his way. I wanted to see him embody those flaws, yet still show enough
charisma to charm us to his side against our will. Instead I got none of it! He
wasn’t evil, he wasn’t charming, they tried to make him a good guy, but even
that didn’t work. Who cares if he cries when his character is sad? That’s the easy part. The tough part is
constructing a character with contradictions and making us believe in him.”
Bland acting bothers me, because
there’s no risk to it. Actors stay in their safe comfort zones. They don’t put
thought or energy into their roles. They sleepwalk through them. I’m not paying
for that. I feel like, if you do nothing else, be interesting! Entertain me! That’s
what I’m paying you for.
Number 4: Stupid Characters
It’s not that I hate all stupid
characters. Some characters are deliberately
stupid for comedic purposes—and that’s okay. I can deal with that. What I
hate is characters we’re supposed to root for who make stupid, impulsive choices
over and over again, yet get bailed out by the author. This happens with so
many fantasy heroes, it’s not even funny.
 |
| It is possible to be a hero and have a brain. |
The best example I can think of is
Naruto, the anime ninja who dreams of being hokage, a legendary rank of ninja.
He blunders straight into danger without thinking, over and over, expecting his
power or his sheer determination to get him out of the mess—and time and time,
he triumphs. It drove me crazy.
Added to this, Naruto was joined
by Sakura, who embodied the stupid girl love interest. Her every waking thought
was spent on how to capture the affection of the cold, but “cool” guy she had a
crush on. Literally, her every thought. Love had made her stupid. She had no
personality outside this crush and was completely useless in battle.
Apparently, they got better, but I
didn’t stick around long enough to find out.
I just hate this. I hate
stupidity, and worse yet, I hate when stupidity is rewarded. I like characters
who are smart, thoughtful, and responsible—not ones who are lucky.
Number 3: Nihilism and Despair
Speaking of negative things that
have affected my chosen genre, I found I have an aversion to “literary” fantasy.
The recent books I’ve read tend to strip the romance out of the magical world.
I like my fantasy to be about struggles, growth, and morality, not… well, whatever
the opposite is.
 |
| Let's treat Narnia like it's our own, personal video game. |
Take The Magicians, a “literary” blend of Harry Potter and The
Chronicles of Narnia. Except that, when our motley group of heroes are granted
not only magic but enough money to be secure for the rest of the life, they
decide that, rather than using their power to better the world, they’ll spend
their time being bored, cheating on each other, escaping to an entirely new
world where they’re treated as saviors, acting like new world is their
exclusive playground, and then being shocked when their actions have
consequences. Apparently, things like heroes, loyalty, and friendship are all very
passé. It’s all about selfishness and boredom.
I’m also a little nervous around
dark fantasy and dystopias, because, while I can handle darkness, I dislike
despair. I was enjoying The Hunger Games
trilogy up until the third book literally killed the embodiment of goodness and
hope, as well as main character’s entire reason for struggling so hard and
sacrificing so much. As Katniss went into despair, so did I—and it left a bitter
taste in my mouth.
I read books to inspire me, to
give me hope. And while I will happily deal with the darkness of the world and
the darkness of the soul, in the end, I want to believe that evil can be
overcome, that wounds can heal, that change is possible, and that sacrifices
will be honored. Take that away, and why am I bothering to read?
Number 2: Endings that Negate the Whole Plot
The host of a movie news channel I
watch on YouTube once said that nobody didn’t love The Wizard of Oz, but I disagree, because even as a kid, I hated that movie. The problem was the
ending. After going through the whole long journey, I was presented with not one,
but two Deus ex Machinas: first, the water bucket of water that melted the
witch out of nowhere, and second, the ruby red slippers that could have
teleported Dorothy out of Oz anytime she wished. To top it off, the movie was
capped with an “it’s all just a dream” ending. The whole movie was meaningless.
 |
| But it was all just a dream... |
When I read a book or watch a
movie, I do so with this implicit promise that the plot will lead to a logical and
fulfilling conclusion. When the book or movie breaks that promise, I get mad, and
I get even madder knowing that I wasted all this time and caring over a premise
that was meaningless.
Another example is The Scions of Shanara. In the first
book, we are told that evil is coming to the world and that four chosen ones
must complete their tasks to rid the world of evil. At the end of four long
books, the last person retrieves a sword that promptly sucks all the evil
beings into the blade. And I thought, why
did I read this? Why bother with any of the side quests at all, if all you
needed was the stupid sword? No one had to struggle and sacrifice. It was
pointless.
I hate pointless things. If you
write an ending that breaks its promise to the readers, then you tear that
ending up and start again, because your audience deserves better. They deserve
a real ending.
Number 1: Writer’s Block
God, I hate this so, so much. And
I’ve read it so often in critique groups, where young writers trying to “write
what they know,” write about their inability to write. Worse though, are
professionals who put this out. It always seems to go like this:
 |
| Watch me stare at the typewriter for two months. It's art. |
There is a main character, who is
a writer. This writer has already made tons of money off at least one
bestseller, and is now under pressure to write another book. But they can’t
think of an idea. So, for days, months, or years at a time, they stare at a
typewriter, wander around, and/ or drink to excess while trying to come up with
a new idea.
This is so boring. Nothing happens.
For pages and pages.
I’m a writer. I’ve had to deal
with writer’s block. I sit down and write until I come up with an idea. If that
doesn’t work, I research or re-read my previous chapters. If that doesn’t work,
I switch projects. If that doesn’t work, I deal with whatever psychological
issue that’s keeping me from writing. I have no sympathy for people who call
themselves writers and don’t do the work.
And the thing that bothers me even
more than the boredom, the sameness, or the lack of realism, is the fact that
it makes me jealous. These writer characters have already found success and
recognition. I have never had that luxury. I have had to struggle and work
toward achieving my dream. And I’m still not there. It’s frustrating to see a
character who already has everything you so desperately want angst about how
hard it is to have it.
So for all these reasons, writer’s
block is my number one pet peeve.
* * *
What are your pet peeves and why
do they bother you? I asked my friends on Facebook, and this is what they
replied:
Christy Madokoro “I'll put a book down if I don't like the way a main
character speaks. If they sound whiny or extreme Valley girl-ish, I put the
book away. And that's probably all a matter of perspective... But the moment I
see slang, temper tantrums, woe-is-me, or the word "hella," I have to
reevaluate the quality of the book thus far...usually the word hella is an
instant toss out...I can't remember any books that might include, but I've
definitely turned off movies in the past. When a main character feels sorry for
themselves all the time without moving past that, or they are only focused on the
unfairness of their life, it's another annoyance that will make me put a book
down.”
Claire
Larry “I couldn't stand Twilight's writing style. It didn't flow,
and it felt like she was pulling words out of the dictionary that she didn't
know how to really properly use. It gave me an actual headache.”
Biz
Nijdam “I hate it when people don't say goodbye
when they hang up the phone in movies! Also that no one knows how to use the
subjunctive...”
Next
week, I’m going to write about the opposite: what I’m a complete sucker for in
books or movies. If you want me to put your reply in my blog, reply in the
comments or on Facebook.
