Saturday, September 13, 2014

Book Review: Riddle in the Bones

Title: Riddle in the Bones: An Abishag's Third Mystery
Author: Michelle Knowlden
Genre: Mystery

Summary

After two dead husbands and an angry ex-boyfriend, 20-year-old Leslie Greene has had it with being an Abishag wife, the therapeutic "bedwarmer" of rich, dying men.  A summer internship collecting mule bones seems like a good way to take her mind off her dating woes.  But one evening, as Leslie's leaving the Palm Desert Institute of Desert Antiquities, a shot rings out.  Doctor Henry Telemann, Leslie's beloved anthropology professor, lies comatose on the floor, a bullet through his brain.

Why would anyone want to harm this kindly old man?  Could the answer lie in a shoebox full of old bones?  To find out, Leslie enters the Abishag agency once again. And this time it's not just killers after her.  A handsome lawyer, a flirtatious detective, and the grandson of her first husband all vie for her attention.  Leslie might just find her Prince Charming, if she can survive the case first...

Review

Characters are the beating heart of the Abishag series.  I could spend hours hanging out with "romantic rationalist" Leslie, her cool friends Kat and Dog, the charming Sebastian, and even Donovan, who let's just say gets some highly amusing comeuppance in this installment.  "Riddle in the Bones" contains warmth and humor, simmering jealousies, delicious French cooking, beautiful clothes, and, oh yeah, that pesky murder mystery that needs to be solved.

Interestingly enough, this is the first time Leslie's ever gotten to know her husband before she's married him and she's not exactly happy about this fact.  For her, it's hard to separate her boss "Doctor Telemann" from her husband "Henry."  While this sets up an interesting conflict early on, I felt Leslie's bond between Henry wasn't as strong as with previous husbands.  Maybe this had to do with less cuddling time or the fact she wasn't in her husband's house.

That was fine, because a lot of the central pull came from the romantic arc, which Ms. Knowlden has been teasing for the last two books.  Leslie is starting to slowly but surely gain confidence in herself and realize that she does in fact have options.  She also participates more in solving the mystery, rather than letting Kat do all the work.  I appreciate that.  However, I felt the mystery was too easy to solve and got a bit rushed and confusing at the end.

Friday, September 12, 2014

Book Review: Indelible Beats

Title: Indelible Beats: An Abishag's Second Mystery
Author: Michelle Knowlden
Genre: Mystery

Summary

Leslie Greene thinks dating a rich lawyer is a fairy tale come true. But without a fairy godmother to spring for the fancy dresses, she soon finds her bank account empty. Fortunately, Leslie does have one skill she can fall back on: marrying old, dying men. This time her adventures as an Abishag wife takes her to the La Jolla home of artist Jordan Ippel, where Leslie learns the mysterious circumstances surrounding his incapacitation. Could this be murder? Facing art forgeries, scandalous love affairs, and a holiday fruitcake that refuses to die, Leslie's latest assignment may bring her--and her friends--closer to danger than ever...

Review

Whereas in Sinking Ships, the first Abishag mystery, Leslie was just learning the ropes, here she has more experience as an Abishag wife, which means she spends less time reciting rules and more time solving the mystery. Likewise, author Michelle Knowlden has less introductions to get through, enabling her to dive straight into the story. The mystery is stronger and the writing is smoother this time around.

A lot of the same wonderful characters appear, including husband and wife duo Kat (Kathmandu) and Dog (Douglas), as well as the grandson of Leslie's previous husband. But the big new character is Jordan Ippel, who, though comatose, ends up being quite intriguing. Leslie only marries him because he lives far enough away that she hopes her boyfriend won't find out. She initially compares him to Dracula and knows only the rumors of his eccentricity. But as she enters his world and hears the stories from those closest to him, she unearths his true personality. What begins as a marriage of convenience grows into a marriage of love.

While the characters and relationships are my number one pleasure in the book, a close second is the description of food. I wanted to sample artisan oil and vinegar, herb and cranberry porridge, and Christmas breakfast streusel. (I could do without the fruitcake.) The house and the paintings were also well-described, creating a rich and vivid world I could easily step inside.

Weekly Update: 9-12-14 Platform

An author platform, for the uninitiated, is basically your strategy to get your book to the audience, which happens to be the step I'm at now. While muddling through this business portion of writing, I came across an article called "Are You Building Your Writer Platform at Gunpoint?" by Kimberley Grabas. One of the lines caught my eye:

Authors are inundated with the "how-tos" of platform building (some advice better than others), but few are addressing a more immediate concern: how to encourage authors to actually WANT to build their platform. And dare I say, even enjoy building their future empires.

To someone who all but hyperventilates at the thought of selling my writing, the prospect of building a platform is about as appealing as a root canal. (And root canals aren't appealing. I should know; I've had three this year.) But I have to admit, there are a few perks to being a business woman. Like getting my cover. I felt so professional, directing what I wanted to see, getting the work back. This week, I've been working on bookmarks. It's a lot of trouble, but it's nice having something solid to hold onto.

Most of the week, however, I haven't been doing much. I'm not feeling well physically, dealing with backaches, stomach problems, sinus headaches, and heat exhaustion. So I've been resting, trying to take it easy. 

* * *

In other news, my friend Michelle Knowlden just wrote the fourth and final book of the Abishag mysteries. It's for sale on Amazon. In honor of it, I'm going to be writing reviews of Book 2, 3, and 4 this weekend, starting today. (I've already posted the review of the first book here.)

Sunday, September 7, 2014

Crowdfunding on Pubslush


A long time ago, I went to a talk on publishing by Sonia Marsh, and at the very end of it, she mentioned using Pubslush to fundraise for book launching parties. I've been researching the website on and off for the last few months, before finally deciding to try and run a campaign on my own to help pay the publishing costs of my novel The Changelings.

The campaign will run in October. You can see it here.

What is Pubslush?

Kickstarter for Books!

Basically, Pubslush is a way for authors to raise money by creating a "campaign" for a set amount of time (15-45 days) and asking your supporters to donate money in exchange for incentives. The authors (or agents or publishers) can use this money to create or promote their book.

A 2013 article in Forbes says this: "Run by mother-daughter team Hellen and Amanda L Barbara, this American start-up is focused on providing crowdfunding services tailored to the needs of authors, agents, self-publishers and small presses."

On the website: "Pubslush is a global marketing platform for literary projects only. We offer flexible funding, we have the lowest fee in the industry, and we provide our campaigners with valuable market analytics. Most importantly, though, we pride ourselves on our emphasis on user education and for being an accessible resource for our campaigners every step of the way with the Pubslush Prep program."

Commentary

The website seems very proud of taking authors under its wing. Unfortunately, since I have issues with asking strangers for help, I've mostly been browsing the site. The "help" button takes you to wonderful links. You can also get an idea of what works by scanning successful campaigns. So there's still a lot of room for independent-minded writers as well.

Money Matters

You must raise a minimum of $500 in order to keep any of the money. You can raise the minimum if you so choose. You can set a maximum, although, if you raise more than the maximum, you can still keep the extra money.

If you reach $500 (or your own minimum), Pubslush deducts a 4% fee, plus 3.5% in credit card charges.

"Supporters of a campaign will be charged on the final day of the Fundraising period. In the event that the Minimum Threshold has not been met [...], Supporters will simply not be charged." This is in the Terms of Services. Basically, no one pays until the final day. If the campaign fails, no one spends money or makes money.

You entice people to donate by offering "incentives," small rewards for certain amounts. Although authors, in general, try to offer "free" rewards, you may have to spend some of your own money purchasing rewards. You will also have to factor in the cost of shipping.  You have the option of tacking on additional fees for international shipping. 

You can also choose to donate some of the proceeds (a minimum of 10%) to a charity called the Pubslush Foundation, which fights illiteracy. If you do so, you'll receive "a special distinction on our site."

Pubslush Prep is "a customized program designed to provide our campaigners with hands-on campaign support." On a basic (read: free) level it offers email templates and an introduction email with campaign relations coordinator. However, it also offers Bronze Prep ($50), Silver Prep ($75), Gold Prep ($175), Platinum Prep ($250), and Strictly Social Media Package ($100). 

Bronze level offers thing like an initial email consultation with the campaign relations coordinator plus 30 minutes of phone time, while Platinum Level gets you customized tweets and a feature on the Pubslush blog. 

Commentary

I think the 4% fee is reasonable. The website does offer authors a wider audience, so it's only fair to take a small cut. I'm a little more leery of paying for the advice, if only because if you fail, you get nothing--so it's a bit of a gamble. Also, in a business sense, you do have to worry about being nickeled and dimed. 

Let's say you paid $50 for a consultation and decide to donate 10% to charity and put in $30 for incentives and shipping. You raise $500. $20 goes to the website fees, $17.50 goes to credit card charges, then you pay another $50 for a donation and include the cost of supplies. That means raising that $500 has cost you $167.50, or roughly 1/3 of the money raised. If you give away copies of your book as an incentive, you have to be doubly careful because you're cutting into the audience who will buy your book later.

These concerns, by the way, come from a first-time publisher with very little money to subsist on, let alone publish with. Don't get me wrong, it's still an amazing tool to have at your disposal. But it's not free. You have to spend money to make money; it's just a matter of considering how much you're comfortable spending.

Other Benefits

Though the primary function is to raise money, the secondary function is to generate interest in your books. First-timers can build an audience outside their usual friends and family. Authors with an audience can appeal to their fan base by offering samples of new work.

Once you run a (successful?) campaign, it stays on the website, so that people can click on it and have a peek.

They also have tools, a blog, and articles for author education.

Commentary

It seems like Pubslush is striving to be not only a crowdfunding website, but also an author platform. They seem to want you to promote the book long 

The articles are a great resource. I recommend browsing them just for the heck of it. Some of these have to do with crowdfunding, if you're uncertain of what it entails or whether or not to take the plunge. Others talk about writing and promotion.

I couldn't use the tools because I have ancient technology which Pubslush doesn't seem to like.

Starting a Campaign

You will need to type/ upload the following:

  • Title
  • Byline (Your name or pseudonym)
  • Image (at least 720 px in width--optional)
  • Video (optional)
  • Project Overview (a 1-sentence blurb to summarize your project and capture your audience's attention--200 characters max)
  • Book Details (aka, your genre)
  • Page Length (less than 50, 50-100, 100-250, 250-500, 500 +)
  • Book Status (idea, working draft, or completed manuscript)
  • Book Excerpt (5-10 page sample, submitted as either a text document, PDF, or series of images--optional)
  • Tags (metadata that 
  • Author Photo 
  • Author Bio (Approximately 2 sentences about yourself--500 characters max)
  • Interview (The standard questions ask: Why did you write this book? Wo are your favorite authors? What was your inspiration for this book? What do you plan to do with the funds you raise? You can answer some, all, or none of these question. You can make up your own questions, too.) 
  • Links (your website, Facebook account, Twitter, etc.)
  • Funding Goal (How much you want to raise--$500 minimum)
  • Funding Duration (15-45 days)
  • Launchpad (When do you want to start?)
  • Levels and Rewards (How much money do people need to spend to qualify for the reward? Is there a limited amount of rewards offered? When do you expect to deliver the reward, assuming the campaign is successful? Do you charge extra for international shipping and if so, how much?)
After filling in all that massive amount of information, you review your information, agree to the terms and conditions, and wait for them to approve your campaign. After that, your campaign will appear on the website for people to browse, although they will not be able to donate until the launch date.

Commentary

I thought about using Pubslush to pay for my cover, but I noticed that most campaigns have a picture, some more professional than others. I, personally, feel more attracted to professional-looking artwork; it reassures me that the author is serious. For me, though, it meant paying for the cover out of my own pocket.

Filling in the information was time-consuming, but helpful, because it forced me to sit down and write (and re-write) promotional material for my book. However, copy and pasting from a word document to the little boxes caused the lines to go all wonky. You may need to re-type.

Before starting the incentives, I read and re-read an amazingly helpful article by AJ Walkley. Since the site recommends using your personal talents to create incentives, I decided to channel my card-making. Shipping and handling threw me a bit, but cards are cheap to mail. Still, I had to factor in that cost, as well as website fees, and card-making materials.

One of my most difficult problems was uploading the sample of the story. Again, I blame ancient technology. (My laptop is 4 years old.) Pubslush was not happy with Internet Explorer, but it worked fine for Mozilla Firefox, once I updated everything. Even though it uploaded my Microsoft Word document, it wouldn't let me actually see the writing. It did show me the PDF document, so I went with that.

I read through the Terms and Conditions, and one part bothered me a bit. "With respect to all Content, by submitting Content to Pubslush, you hereby grant to Pubslush a worldwide, non-exclusive, royalty-free, sub-licensable, perpetual, irrevocable ad transferable license to use, reproduce, adapt, publish, translate, distribute, prepare derivative works of, display, and perform the Content in connection with the Service and the business of Pubslush, and of its successors and assigns." 

"Content" is defined earlier, "any text, scripts, graphics, images, or other materials which a User posts to the Service," which includes "a segment of the User's original book."

So I think what this means is, once it goes on the site, it stays on the site, and they can distribute it worldwide. They do not have the rights to your entire novel, just whatever you put on the website. You can use the material you publish on Pubslush elsewhere. You cannot charge them to use your work. I think they are just covering their bases so people don't sue them or claim copyright violations. However, if you are uncomfortable with these terms, don't use the site.

What's Next?

In the next few months, I'm going to look at Pubslush from the point of view of someone donating and someone running a campaign. I'll write more when I know more, so stay tuned.

Friday, September 5, 2014

Weekly Update: 9-5-14 Accomplishments

Happy Birthday Sister!

Boy, did a lot of stuff happen this week.

First, and foremost, I finised my (hopefully) last major edit of The Changelings, an effort spanning four months which cut the manuscript from 230,000 words to 191,000.  If 40,000 words doesn't sound significant, I remind you that 50,000 will get you a Nanowrimo badge. Or, for those who think in pages, it went from 920 to 764. I still have to run it by Debra Young, who is doing the thankless and tedious job of checking grammar and spelling, but this a major hurdle down.

Second, and most surprisingly, my uber short story, "What No One Tells You About Becoming Immortal" got published in Daily Science Fiction, a paying online web magazine.

Picture found on Pinterest
Way back in spring, I sent them the story, got it accepted, signed a contract, sent in revisions... and I've been waiting ever since. Now I subscribe to Daily Science Fiction (its free) and get a nice short story in my in-box every weekday. On Thursday morning, I was glancing through my piled-up emails, when, lo and behold, what do I see? My story, with my name, right there. I had come this close to deleting it!

In a few weeks, my story should (I hope) appear on their website archives. When it does, I'll show you the link.

Third, I finally bit the bullet and submitted by campaign for The Changelings on Pubslush which can be viewed here. I'll go into what Pubslush is on Sunday, but it's basically Kickstarter for books, a way of using crowdfunding to raise money for self-publishing. My campaign doesn't start until October 1st, which means you can't pledge money until then. Still, it's up for people to look at and sample if so desired.

Now one of the ways you can "bribe" people into donating is offering incentives. I've decided to turn my card-making hobby into a potential fundraising tool. Which brings me to the fourth accomplishment, finishing 50 homemade cards. I've been working on different pieces of them since July, but it's only in these last few weeks, I've put them all together, pounding out 5, 10, 15 cards at a time. If I can use them to raise money, great. If not, I'm sure I'll find someone who wants them.

One of my more subdued cards
Weirdly enough, this whole dang week, I've been whining to anyone within earshot how I can't seem to get anything done: not cleaning, not walking the dogs, not finishing critiques, not doing marketing research, not setting up a facebook page--nothing! And yet, everything seems to be getting accomplished anyway, just for the heck of it.

What a weird week!

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Weekly Update: 9-2-14 Thoughts on Revision

In the last week, I started to focus on finishing my own private editing of The Changelings so that I could get it in to my editor for a final blast of correction.  

My editing process goes something like this: take a pristine white manuscript, slash it to bits with my pen, type the revisions in the computer, underline passages that need more work, print it out, write out 1-3 revisions of the underlined passage by hand, type up the best parts of the revision, and play around with word choice until its as strong as it can be.

Today, after my standard hack-and-slash of words, I happened upon a quote by Amina Gautier on Jane Friedman's blog that spoke about how re-writing rewards mistakes. To quote:

Revising encourages and liberates the writer to “make mistakes.” It rewards mistakes; each “mistake” teaches one something about the story one is writing and gets one that much closer to the story one is meant to write. Revision reconciles the competing versions of the story that the writer carries in his head. Until the writer has gotten the story down on paper or onto the screen, he often cannot tell the difference between what he actually wrote, what he thought he wrote, and what he hoped to write. 

This passage spoke to my heart and reminded me of how far I've grown as a writer.

In my younger days, when I was first learning the craft, I hated to even look at my own writing. I thought it ugly, horrible, boring, and every mistake glared out at me with blood red eyes. My solution was to simply throw everything out and start again. I knew that by some alchemy, revision turned my writing into gold. But I didn't know why, and it frustrated me to no end.

As I got older, I began to understand what was happening. Unconsciously, I was learning from my mistakes. Everything I didn't like, I threw away, trying new ways of writing until something worked. Once I started realizing the value of my mistakes, I began to make a conscious effort to seek them out. Now I read through my drafts over and over again, analyzing why certain passages don't work and brainstorming ways to correct them.

A lot of the magic still happens when I'm not expecting it. It's like churning butter: you churn and churn and churn some more until suddenly this pale milky substance solidifies. A wavering idea turns into a real experience, for you, for the reader. As you get older, you grow to trust the process and learn how to make it more efficient for you.

Sunday, August 31, 2014

Final Cover


Here is my beautiful final cover by illustrator Kaleo Welborn.

The first time I saw it I was like, "Wow, I really have a book now." Kaleo really went above and beyond my expectations, creating this photo realistic of my main character Sylvie. I love the embroidery on the coat and the mother-of-pearl buttons, both of which plays a key role in the story.

The Changelings will be available on January 2, 2015. More details to come.

Friday, August 29, 2014

Travelogue: 3 Mile Hike. Again.

What: Family Walk
Where: Fort Sill, Oklahoma
When: Saturday, August 9, 2014

It's the same track of land that, two days earlier, had reduced our puppies to panting fluffballs. But the setting sun has softened the land. Yellow grasses blends with the green, and shadows stretch luxuriantly over the hills. Though the humidity remains, the temperature has cooled to just bearable.

Same course, different mindset.
The whole family is together: Mom, Dad, me, my sister Jaime, my brother Tyler, his wife Shantel, their baby Tyson in his new red stroller, and puppies Bella, Mia, and Lincoln. I'm feeling mellow and in no mood to race.

But Tyler is. He steals Mia from me and makes her run with him. Some how her chunky little legs keep up with his long strides. They go off the road, down the pokey grass, and toward the dried creek. Jaime and Lincoln follow their trail. Bella wants to run with them, but she's stuck with me and I hold her back.
Jungle gym equipment sits at intervals along the roads with signage to explain how to exercise. My brother, fitness buff that he is, decides to do the sit ups, pull ups, and whatever crazy aerobics the signs advises him to do. I'm not really paying attention. The sun is setting, and its orange glow highlights every seed pod in the wheat grass.


The sky grows indigo, and a big full moon hangs in the sky. The man in the moon looks sad. Puppies, water bottles, and baby are getting shuffled. Tyson toddles and I end up pushing an empty stroller. Shantel takes her dogs off their leash, despite my many protests that its illegal.

Tyler gets bored of running the normal way and starts jogging backwards. "It's good for the calves." Shantel complains that she's tired. Tyler says we can get 59 cent slushies after we finish, and that cheers her, so that by the end of the hike, she's running with him.

Near the car, I hear a good deal of chattering from one of the trees. Everyone says its birds, but they have a strange way of flapping and I swear I their wings are made of diaphanous skin, not feathers. I say they're bats. But everyone is too busy loading pooped out puppies and fussy baby into the cars to care.

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Travelogue: Museum of the Great Plains

What: Museum of the Great Plains
Where: Lawton, Oklahoma
When: Friday, August 8, 2014

We haven't even parked, and I can see this place is infested with prairie dogs. They look like gophers and act like meerkats, with sentries standing straight up on mounds of dirt and guarding over the others. Naturally I want to take a picture, but as soon as I creep close, the sentry begins to chirp.

"Chip, chip, chip."
Prairie Dogs
It sounds more like the call of a bird than a rodent. I focus my zoom, and the prairie dog crouches low in its burrow. His alarm becomes more fast-paced and frantic.

"Chip chip chip!"

Finally, it just up and dives into its hole. I look for a new prairie dogs to photograph and find they're gone.

In addition to prairie dogs, the Museum of the Great Plains has a fort and an old-fashioned train and a gift shop with apple basil jelly and "rattlesnake eggs." There's also a science center with a bed of nails you can lie on as metal spikes lift you into the air. (It doesn't hurt.) My mom and dad and brother decide play around in this section but I choose to edjamacate myself and stuff, so I go through the displays and actually read the signs.

Cowboy

"There is a feeling of people, the lack of people, the want for people, the desire for no people. I want to draw the horizons into my soul and have them bounce around so much that they expand my horizons and I become unfettered. This is a metaphysical land."

I stare at Peter Miller's black and white photographs of grassless badlands, chisel-faced cowboys, old houses, organic farmers, fields of sunflowers, and storm clouds. I've absorbed these kinds of images of course, but glossier, air-brushed, and stuck on political brochures. But this feels more like real America to me.

"The winter wind is so strong that the snow can blow sideways for 3 days before it grabs onto the ground. ...There is not much difference from being in the Plains or on the seas during a gale. On the Plains you may freeze to death and on the sea you may drown."

The quotes beneath the photos make me wonder if he's been there, if he's experienced these kinds of storms. I imagine him loading his camera into the back of his truck and just driving from place to place, photographing whatever catches his eyes, interviewing ordinary folks, and wandering through the heartland like some kind of modern day cowboy.

(Examples of the work can be found here)

Indians

The buckskin dress is ornamented with elk teeth, porcupine quills, and fringe. And while these may be objects native to the plains, the brightly-colored beads, metal tinkling coins, and cowry shells are not.

Buckskin Dress
This dress is symbolic of our image of American Indians, yet embedded in it are objects of foreign trade. I don't know why this should be surprising, but it is. For some reason, I seem to think of Native Americans as being insulated from the white man's culture. The romantic image is, I suppose, a peaceful people who live entirely off the land.

But then I see a display on how Plains Indians used guns. Oh yes, they had access to firearms. "Guns introduced in the 17th century [before America was even thinking about becoming its own country] had a far-reaching effect on culture. Firearms increased hunting effectiveness and gave power over foes." This resulted in an intensification of tribal warfare.

Makes sense. If you're going to war, you want to make sure you have the best weapons. Guns so permeated Native American culture that in the Blackfoot language the word for honor was "Namachkami," or "a gun taken." The downside of this, however, was that it fostered dependence on the Europeans, who provided the guns.

They traded animal skins to get their weapons. Beaver pelts were all the rage until the 1830s and then the fashion turned to Buffalo robes. This particularly suited the Plains Indians, who held a monopoly over the tanned hides until the 1870s. In addition to guns, they traded these skins for Venetian glass beads, Chinese vermillion (which they used to paint their face), French-style axes, metal arm bands, wool blankets, and top hats. Truly, they had an international culture.

All this makes me think of the ways in which we integrate foreign objects into the heart of our culture. How many of our national symbols, so dearly treasured, are really our own?

Buffalo

The 1870s were a bad decade for the Plains Indians' buffalo skin trade. Not only did the Americans bust open their monopoly, they nearly exterminated their supply.

I knew, of course, since grade school that Americans recklessly over-hunted thundering herds of buffalo to a mere handful. But I always thought this was the work some crazed gun nuts shooting buffalo off a train for the sheer hell of it. Like when I played Oregon Trail and killed six buffalo, just to hear their bodies thump on the grass.

Poor Buffalo
But, no, it turns out there was a much more practical reason for killing buffalo. Money.

"When I went into business," wrote Anonymous Man on the wall display, "I sat down and figured I was indeed one of fortunes children." The numbers bore out.

20,000,000 buffalo roaming the plain
$3 per skin
$60,000,000 out there for the taking
25 cents to purchase cartridge
12 times return on investment
100 kills a day
$300 in gross profit or $200 in net profit

He concluded that a hard-killing man could make $6000 a month "or three times what was paid, it seems to me, the president of the United States, and a hundred times what a man with a good job in the (18)70s could be expected to earn."

Hell, a hundred and fifty years into the future, and I think $6000 a month sounds good.

This is the dark side of capitalism. What incentive is there to plan for the future when every buffalo you don't kill goes into your competitor's hands? As a result, by the 1880s the plains were littered with carcasses and a lucrative new field had opened: bone collector.

One ton of buffalo bones would pay $15. Trains would haul the skeletons east, and factories would assemble them into buttons, combs, glue, fertilizer, tooth brushes, and dice. And, somehow, bones were also used for refining sugar.

So no one can say that folks back then didn't know how to recycle.

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Travelogue: Puppy Races

What: Three Mile Hike
Where: Fort Sill, Oklahoma
When: Thursday, August 7, 2014

The Contestants


Bella

AKA: "Bella-pie," "Bella Button"
Breed: Jack Russell Terrier/ Chihuahua
Age: 3 Years Old
Weight: Moderately Fat
Specialty: Leg Nester
Handler: Irene (Mom)



Mia

AKA: "Mufkin," "Chunky Monkey"
Breed: BostonTerrier/ Chihuahua
Age: 2 Years Old
Weight: Very Fat
Specialty: Ferocious Eater
Handler: Becky (Me)


Lincoln

AKA: "Lincoln-berry," "Mr. Logs"
Breed: Toy Poodle/ ???
Age: Almost 1
Weight: Scrawny
Specialty: Pack Leader
Handler: Jaime (Sister)



The Track

Three winding miles of asphalt road with bridges, hills, and construction work. A few spread out oak trees provide poor cover amid the relentless grass. Facing 100 degree heat and humidity, almost no shade, and limited water, can three energetic puppies complete the course? Or will they fall victim to the harshness of nature?



And They're Off!

Right out the gate, Mia decides to lighten the load, and we lose valuable seconds while I wrestle with the plastic bag. But she's off again. Her feet go patter-patter on the asphalt. We take the lead. Lincoln comes up behind us. We pass him. He passes us. We're right on each other's heals.

Bella begins to snort and huff. She's down and out and resting in Mom's arms.


We break in the shade of an oak and Jaime pours the dogs. Mia doesn't want to drink. The heat is immense. Lincoln starts to tucker out. Will he make it? No. Jaime swoops in to pick him up. And its Mia, fat sturdy Mia, who crosses the bridge independent of human assistance. Look at her, waddling like a champion.



And They're Out!

But the heat takes its toll. Mia's tongue lolls out, and she pants and pants. We're veering off course. No, Mia. She throws in the shade and refuses to budge. Bella and Lincoln, well-rested now, trot on past her. Get up Mia. We're almost to the halfway point.

She gets up and slowly patters down the road.

I believe in you Mia. You're a strong puppy. You don't need to be carried like those wimps!

Or maybe you do. Mia plops down on the hot road and pants so hard spittle froths from her teeth. I pick her up and walk her to the shade. There she drinks copious amounts of water.


We think the dogs are well-rested and can complete the course. We're wrong. Barely an eighth of a mile and Mia keeps stopping for breaks. The judges consult. Ladies and gentlemen, the race has been called off due to extreme weather conditions. We will have to resume this race at a later date.

Dad (yes, he was here, supervising the whole race) and Jaime walk ahead to pick up the car. Mom and I shade the puppies under a concrete shelter. Mia gobbles down the last of the water and flops on her side with all the majesty of a humpback whale breaching the surface of the ocean.


Commentary

The crucial mistake happened before the race even took place. Originally, the hike was scheduled for the morning. But constant delays and the inability to get it together caused the whole party to leave the house at almost noon, the hottest and bleakest hour of the day. Inadequate water supplies added to the troubles. In the future, such mistakes will have to be corrected if the puppies have any hopes of completing their circuit.