Sunday, September 18, 2016

Weekly Update: 9-18-16 Precarious Balance

A hurricane's eye
of calm has possessed me.
I doubt it will last.

There was a moment on Wednesday, when I looked at my To-Do list and realized that I was actually ahead of schedule. I'd finished homework in one class, I'd gotten some work done in another, I'd researched agents, I'd kept to my writing schedule, and I'd even gotten some chores done. I was a little bit astounded. I was not running desperately behind schedule.

Had I achieved balance?

The problem was that balance, as I'd defined it, was keeping on top of my To-Do list. Which was great for my sense of accomplishment, but was starting to make me feel extremely tense. On my To-Do List was reading for fun. I attempted it on Thursday, while volunteering for the library. But I couldn't do it. My brain was geared to achieving something; it didn't want to turn off and relax.

Frankly, I didn't like feeling so tense; it didn't feel like me. I knew that soon I'd have to abandon my To-Do List. On Friday, instead of doing my scheduled writing, I started re-reading an old story. On Saturday morning I played around with creating lesson plans for my future English class. This didn't fit my To-Do List mentality, but I was feeling a little better.
Maybe balance is meant to be a temporary state with me.

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