Monday night, with one week before the school semester starts, I tried to log on to AESOP, the website where I can get my subbing assignments. Unfortunately, every time I tried, it kept yelping that my information was incorrect. Though I had typed in my password often enough to have it ground into my memory, I went to the feature that would remember my password and typed in my name and my phone number. The system refused to acknowledge me.
And that's when the panic hit.
I went from thinking about buying school supplies to imagining myself unemployed. I was flooded with shame and my self-confidence plummetted. I knew I should go to the Board of Education and ask what the problem was, but I couldn't bring myself to email them All I could think of was that I had failed in some way I had yet to foresee and writing for help would only acknowledge my lack of worth. So, for all of Tuesday, I stewed unproductively in my angst, paralyzed by anxiety, depressed from my own inaction.
Waking up Wednesday morning, a new thought entered my brain. Had I renewed my credential?
Renewing my credentials was a simple process of going online, answering a few simple questions, and paying a fee. It will take 10 days to process it, but I emailed the person in charge of staff for the Brea Olinda Unified School District and she said that once my credential's renewed, she'll put me back in the system. Since few teachers are absent during the first week of September and since I was going on a Cruise the second week, it shouldn't interfere too much with my employment.
In the end, all that worry was for nothing.
You know, there are times when being a perfectionist with an overactive imagination works for me, and times when it screws me over royally.